Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Randomize
