He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
