i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
