I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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