My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
