Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
