you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
