Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
