All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
