She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
