Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
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