As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
