Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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