8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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