dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
we should paint friendship bongs
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
