drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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