Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Panties = found
Randomize
