So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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