Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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