if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
