Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
