I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
