I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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