Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
