in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
