a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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