sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
