yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
