chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
