I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
