I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
