I only kidnapped one of them. chill
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
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I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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