It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize