i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
