five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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