im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
