I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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