Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
