I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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