Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
