Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Randomize
