So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
