YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
