My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
