Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I puked a lego.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
