We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
