i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
