went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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