Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I think my vagina is haunted
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
