I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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