i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
