sorry about calling you the devil all night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Come on in and take your pants off
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