He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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