I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He passed out mid-signature
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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