You can't motorboat a personality
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
