kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
