thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Randomize
