Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Pants are for mortals
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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